When I admitted to myself that I actually had a problem

I pulled the box of  dark chocolate crunch cheerios out of the garbage can, it was stuffed to the bottom. It was a day full of binging and I thought I had enough, so I threw away the box; my mind thought something else. I used cheat days as an excuse to go all out on eating, it was a coping mechanism for me, who knows from what…

I started getting clues that this was a problem because the days after cheat days, I would walk around the kitchen trying to uncover peoples stashes of goodies, I  was very good at finding these and was very surprised at how many people in my household stashes. I was able to cover my trail by quickly replacing what I had eaten with the exact amount consumed. Sometimes if the box was only half empty, I would just eat the other half, voila. I brought up this concern that I might have a binge eating problem/disorder, some family members just brushed it off as a small thing. I decided to take action against this, why was I using food like this? I came to a conclusion, stuffing my face was an excuse to put off obligations. I thought that if I just stuffed myself, I would get a guilty feeling and then be all tired which would then spiral into a mental episode. So what was I holding myself back from getting done, almost anything,  like homework, daily tasks, maybe even discussions i would put off with people in my life. “Boo-Hoo”, I know. I was able to keep off the weight because by exercising 5-days a week. I tried breaking this bad habit by meditating 20-minutes twice/day, it worked sometimes.

I was listening to a podcast one about this device called pavlok, it shocks you and you self-administer this, who wants to shock themselves? me. I ordered the device, had to wait about 6-months to receive it. I had to make sure my binge days wouldn’t spiral out of control. To minimize this from happening I would surround myself with people during my cheat days. I would still go crazy on my cheat days but would stop because the people I would go out to eat with were full, it was a sign for me to stop.

Finally, the device arrives the week of thanksgiving, I pull out the device at the end of dinner and let some of my family members send me shocks through the app. I eat all of the pie and cookies, zap-zap, I continue eating. I’m surprised that at the end of eating, I continue the shocks when the thoughts/cravings come up. I came up with a routine to break the cravings. Here, go ahead and use my tips if you’d like: take 5-minutes out of your day, usually at the night before going to sleep,look up images of pastries and shock yourself during every image, keep swiping for 5-minutes, that’s pretty much it. I continued this routine for about two weeks. By the end of the two weeks I felt the cravings were no longer being triggered throughout my day.

I decided to test out if this pavlok device was working, so on a cheat I went to a buffet and walked by the pastries section, my mind felt no triggers. my first thought is “i’m good now”,not quite yet. I put this to the test and got a pastry and took a bite, I don’t feel any kind sensation, my cravings weren’t going crazy like before. I finished eating the pastry and asked myself if I wanted any more, I didn’t. After that day I was happy that I was able to zap away this bad habit. Now I just use my pavlok as an alarm or timer for meditating.

Links and Resources Mentioned:

  • Pavlok device I used to break my bad habit- Pavlok
  • The diet I used to allow me cheat days- Slow-Carb Diet

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